Saturday, 20 March 2010

Marching forward with my creativities!

All my life, I have struggled to call myself a writer. Sometimes I claim the title, then I snatch it back as quickly as I utter it, because I say to myself what have I ever published? My procrastination and self doubt of my words have pushed me into the pit where I keep on denying my God given talent of writing and creating with my words.Then I get stuck into a vacum, a cycle of inactivity. Then I beat myself up.
Many years ago, I used to belong to a writers/performers group called the Rhythm Writers. We were relatively well known on the Black poetry circuit in London. We'd get invited to places to recite our poetry. We even put on a couple of shows. I went down a storm with my recitals. Ahhhh... the memories! In hindsight, I should've really capitalised on all of this, but my life was going 100 mph whilst I was trying to catch up with life. I was always on the move with my children and trying to create an anchor for them where they could grow and where I could outgrow my awkwardness of knowing who I was and what I was going to become. Now that they have grown I am now snatching the title of 'writer' back. I will only call myself an author when I start believing in my words and start publishing again. I am just being realistic and at the same time, optimistic.
I've had this amazing idea for a non-fiction book (click on the title of this blog post and it will take you to a site I created for this idea), that has been kicking around for about five years. I'm not going to beat myself up about the lack of attention or the inactivity that I have had with this genesis of an idea, because to me, that is being self defeating. However, I've decided (especially living here in Netherlands and just having all the time in the world to create ) to kickstart the idea and revitalise this book and see where it takes me. I've already reached out to my perceived target, so again, I will see where it takes me. I have linked it, so if anybody is reading these words, go check it out!
Anyway, back to my marching forward with my creativities. I have had so many books over the years about tapping into my creativity, my writing. But, to be honest, they were, just, well, books. Self help books to help me kickstart, however, in hindsight, I was not ready - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. Now, I am. I feel that I need to rely on my inner power... the Spirit/Goddess within me and just keep on marching to my rhythmic beat of my words. I came across this mantra, which I have adopted for my own mantra in context for my writing:

I am going to write a novel and get it published. I'm going to do it because writing a novel is worthwhile and because I have the talent to do it. I am going to do it because I have something to say to the world. I refuse to let anything get in my way.

I will say this to myself everyday. I have signed and dated it which gives me further credibility to own it.
Lastly,in context with my writing, I have to take heed and realise that humility is one thing, but FALSE HUMILITY can keep you from doing the things you want to get done. Yes, this makes a whole lot of sense to me, not only with the abandonment of my creative talents but also, my life.

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