When peace is all you need: The inevitable passing of Whitney Houston.

This morning, after my morning meditation, I switched on my laptop. I wanted to check my email. I went to Yahoo.com and I saw the simple words: 'Singer Whitney Houston Found Dead'. I was shocked; I ran downstairs to inform my sis. We switched on Sky News and watched the truth unfold before our stunned and tear laden eyes, just to confirm the headline that I had just read. She was really and truly gone; the light had dimmed.

I'm not a person who star worships or puts 'celebrities' up on pedestals. Don't  get me wrong, I love the odd bit of gossip now and then, but I do not live vicariously through the lives of celebrities. And the cult of celebrity right now seems to be a booming industry, both online and offline, but I do not really pay attention to it at all. However, Whitney, to me, personified my growing years; she was the soundtrack to my mid twenties when I first became a mother, and I guess, responsible for another life. I am the same age as Whitney - she was born in August 1963, I was born in September 1963. Obviously, our lives were completely different, but there was always something about Whitney that I was pulling for; even when allegations that turned into truth about her drug use, I wanted to raise her up and believe in her, regardless of her circumstances. She had such a wonderful talent, but when I used to see pictures of her looking unkempt and bedraggled, coming out of seedy nightclubs - especially the last images I saw of her the other day - I shook my head and my inner voice joined the ongoing cacophony of the choir judging Whitney.

Whitney's voice brings back so many sweet memories for me, and her voice was  extraordinary when she was at the apex of her vocal dexterity.  But the positive always aligns, like the planets,  with the negative when writing about Whitney. It was well documented in the media about her demons, but don't we all have our own internal demons? This is not to excuse or justify what she was doing with herself regarding her drug use, but it seems so sad so tragic, may I say, so inevitable, from what I have read so far, of her dying alone in a hotel room in Hollywood.

I'm sure all of the salacious and scandalous stories will emerge like a cancerous tumour in the aftermath of her passing; the blame pointed squarely at her ex husband, Bobby Brown for leading her down this drug laden path, and other negative variables surrounding her death; the superficial tributes and chatter from her 'friends' and from the very industry that she was part of, that inevitably, was the loss of herself and physical death of Whitney Houston.


But from me, a lover of great music and who appreciated the stellar quality of your amazing vocals, Whitney, your voice was superlative. Period. Nobody in my lifetime, in my opinion, could touch you when you sang.

Whitney, my sweet, blessed sister, you had your raging demons, that were always on display  and broadcast  like venom to the world. We have them as well, but we are fortunate that we can hide them so they are not broadcasted and judged  so viciously.

May you rest in eternal paradise Whitney,  and hopefully you can find peace there where you couldn't here, on earth.

Challenging Times: What to do when you are in that proverbial stuck mode?

The last couple of months have been extremely challenging. No, strike that, the last couple of years have been challenging to the maximum.

I'm now back home in London. I was living, with my husband, in Holland, BUT  it was a soul destroying experience. Not because of my darling husband, but because of the events that occurred out there. I won't go into it, as it is private, but suffice to say, it was an eye opening experience. These life changing events  have taken resident in my psyche and burned into my memory. It will  make for a fantastic novel one day, if I decide to open up the proverbial can of worms which are still wriggling about in that particular environment.But I digress!

You know that adage, ' you don't know what you have got until its gone'? That, in essence is what is resonating with me so much lately. I took a lot of things for granted. I did not appreciate a lot of stuff. Not to beat up on myself here, but leaving London and taking this particular journey was paradoxical for me. In a way. I'm glad that I had the chance and opportunity to travel and live somewhere different. But I wish it was for something else! I made the choice and I am happy I made that choice, because I wouldn't be writing these words today. Most importantly, I would still be in 'exist' mode, thus, no change or dare I say, I would not be facing these difficult challenges.
 
Coming back to London I feel that I have to recreate and reestablish  myself all over again. It seems like a long slog, and it has been extremely challenging and dang right difficult. When you are in the current position that I am in, and being vulnerable to boot, you look to a Higher Power; get all introspective and ultimately, look for tools which will allow you to fly and soar once again. That's what I am doing, but I've taken a few proverbial knocks and my armour has been slightly dented!

My relationship with Spirit has always been consistent, but sometimes, on occasions,  I feel that my voice is just echoing in the wilderness. I feel that I am in the desert, looking for ways for survival; some water for my off and on dry and mute voice, where my words and sometimes actions, are looked upon as a challenge from my loved ones.

Nonetheless, I am a survivor! I have always been a survivor. Reverting to 'victim mode' is not hemmed in by my particular DNA. I will always remain an eternal optimist.

So, what does one do when challenging times slaps them on the side of the head? Well, for me, its needed. Before leaving London, I couldn't 'see the forest through the trees.' I lost sight of the bigger issue and what I had to do with my life. I was just 'existing' and going through the familiar route that we, as humans have been programmed into: to be 'successful'  products of society.

Now, I am gradually seeing the wood, the wonderful forest and all of the beautiful leaves! I see the colours, the smells; my senses have been revitalised. Its funny, in times of challenges how things in your life become finer tuned and dare I say, crystal clear. Its like I was looking at my life through a misty window, and now, albeit at times, I see amazing clarity.

My journey is still challenging and sometimes I do get 'stuck'; I will still face hurdles and barriers in what I know that I have been predestined to undertake before I transition.  However, my journey, my path, though still, at times,are littered with many baggage that I have to bear, seems altogether, lighter.

In closing, my sister has a quote on her fridge, which reads: 'Challenges do not come to small people, they come to great people'. Very valid and true.

I see my current challenges as growth. Sometimes growth can be tiring and painful, but when one reaches their full potential, watch them ascend. Watch me rise.