Thursday, 18 February 2010

That 'Lightbulb' Moment

First of all, I really need to change the title of this blog, as I am no longer living in London, UK. Anyway, I just needed to say that:)

Have you ever had that 'a ha' moment? That 'lightbulb' moment, that suddenly illuminates your thoughts and tell you that 'No, you are not crazy?' Well, that just happened to me!

I've just finished reading my astrological reading for the day and the gist of what it was saying was to start acknowledging my self worth... start to embrace who you are and start to romance yourself first, as I (well, Virgos) have a tendency to lavish praise and self worth on others without acknowledging self - this has always been my downfall and paradoxically, my goal in life. However, the problem with me is that I don't pursue a happy balance within all of this. I could easily place it onto the mantle of my unhappy childhood, but I feel that's just a cop out and far too simplistic and easy for me to just lay the burden at the vestiges of my childhood. No, see, I'm somebody who looks for peace. I'm the first one to offer the proverbial olive branch to justify a means to an end.
Funny enough, whilst I was reading these words, I read other words in my email in another message that I received. I'm on Jewel Diamond Taylor's mailing list and each Wednesday I receive this affirmation email, entitled 'Wednesday Word'. Yes, I know that it's a day late, but sometimes Spirit/Creator leads you to places where you do not know where you are going to land as such. Because I am a lover of words and have a healthy addiction to reading, this was God's way of acknowledging my current pain and longing of being understood in my present time. Anyway, I digress. Jewel stated that and I quote:

"How do I find my purpose?" That is one of the most common reasons I am asked to provide life coaching, training, retreats and conference presentations. Besides my health and my family, I feel very blessed because I discovered life purpose and signature strengths. I tried many paths before discovering my purpose and calling.

My personality has the capacity of curiosity and a trial and error approach. While there are others who have an "all or nothing" approach to implement ideas. Some people get stuck with excuses, fear, procrastination or perfectionism. I am still on assignment to encourage and empower others to seek, ask and knock until they discover their life purpose. Success and life purpose are not "one size fits all". There is something divinely unique in your spiritual DNA. There is a divine plan purpose, and a gift your life can bring to others for God's glory.

When you say "yes" to your purpose and "yes" to God's way to fulfill your purpose, you will become an unstoppable force.

That is one thing that is stifling me right now. I feel that I have put my purpose into hibernation and others have taken over. Again, I am grateful and full of gratitude for some of the current things that are going on in my life, but it's just not ENOUGH. I am slowly beginning to resent certain aspects of my life, because I feel that my full potentiality has been suppressed.
How can I shake this feeling off? How can I retain my purpose in life? These are the thoughts that I have to continue asking myself.

Presently, I am in a country, without no money, nobody neutral to speak to and a general feeling of variable moods. I am still procrastinating over my creativity, as I feel that my self worth has been buried for the sake of others.
My 'lightbulb' moment needs to be maintained at all costs. I need this moment to remind me of my soul purpose in life and for it to be the light that shines it way out of the darkness that is in front of me right now.

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