Friday, 15 December 2006

My Life... Still Evolving

"If you looked at my life and see what I've seen ..."

These lyrics from Mary J Blige's seminal CD, 'My Life', always haunted me and some what paradoxically, revived my weary and tired spirit. See, these lyrics - especially the above excerpt mantra that wraps itself throughout the song - have become a continuing memorandum of the soundtrack of my life.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but a rusty copper one. My younger life was filled with disappointment, anger, rejection, abandonment, frustration and sadness. However, I feel extremely blessed, that at this point in my life I haven't succumbed to any dangerous toxic substances or have become a victim of my circumstances. I guess the only reminder left of all of this is that well, sometimes, my personality can become a bit - how can I say - addictive.

Let me explain. My personality used to be clingy, but I started LOVING me externally and internally. That was the first hurdle of my obstacles that were blocking me. I still have got a bit of a distance to go and many hurdles to cross, but I'm starting to really believe in me.

I've had others believe in me, but I never took that and applied it to my life.
I was talking to a beautiful person today, who is incidentally my soul mate. He informed me that "the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory".
That led me to a 'light bulb' moment and everything - the drama, the sorrows, the tears, the letdowns - that has happened in my entire life is starting to slowly clarify itself for me. I mean, everything happens for a reason, no?

So now, let me drink - no scratch that! Let me toast and lift up my goblet to the sweet nectar of life. My life. With all of it's shortcomings; my shortcomings. Because they have truly shaped me; and are still shaping me, so I can eventually evolve to the woman that I was destined to be!


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