Saturday, 9 June 2012

My Whys: High Expectations and Creativity.

I've just received a wonderful comment about one of my previous blog posts, and it got me thinking really deeply. Although the commentator was 'anonymous', their comments have left an indelible mark on my consciousness.

Just the other day, I was asking myself why I had come to a standstill with my creativity? Why had I stopped writing daily? What was wrong? Why was I starting to doubt myself again with my creativity? Why couldn't I follow my own tips that I wrote about in some of my previous blog posts? Why? Why? Why?

I got so caught up with all my 'whys', that I became dizzy and yes, overwhelmed by these often self- imposed high expectations of close friends and family. It was only when this anonymous commentator spoke about having 'high expectations' of self and creativity, that I clearly began to glimpse and finally get my proverbial light bulb moment. A 100 watts of clarity just flooded my senses!

I get a lot of inspirations and revelations and I just 'write' freely, and this, I guess is what a lot of my blog posts represent to me; and when I read them back to myself, they do have a sense of abandoned freedom. But sometimes, I have to ask myself if they are a distraction to my creativity of reigniting my novel. Am I sabotaging myself because of this fear of being eventually published?

I have left this particular writing in stagnation for a while. Why? Because to be honest with you, I am scared of failure. I am scared of the high expectations expected from me. I fear the questions from loved ones, asking me how the novel is going, and I become uncharacteristically  muted and quickly divert the attention and leap frog to another topic. I fear that I am not being authentic to myself when it comes to my writing and my progress, and to be frank, this paralyses me!

Nonetheless, now it is becoming evident to me, and as I attempt to expel these self imposed high expectations that I hold close to my chest, like a deflated life jacket, I know it is up to me and only me to climb down from this high mountain of expectations and swim freely; to get out of my restricted exile and start to inflate this life jacket. To anchor myself in the waves of certainty and clarity and continue with my journey of writing this novel.

Its time for me to come ashore and just write, whenever I feel like it, with no high expectations.

Thank you once again to my anonymous commentator.


  1. By your example, I see myself. Thank you for sharing what's in your heart! :)

  2. Thank you Dori for your heartfelt comments!
    Peace and Blessings