Thursday, 1 December 2011

Mid Life Crisis or Mid Life Motivation?

I feel that I'm at the crossroads on the road of my journey. It feels really exciting, but also, sobering at times. Because having a 'mid life crisis' sounds really ominous, and also seems that I have stagnated. Well, I haven't. Although I am in a kind  of reclusive mood, mainly because I am rethinking my strategies and recollecting of what my path in life is all about, I kind of know which direction my path will take me in 2012. I know all of this may seem a bit navel gazing,that that is how I feel right now.

I know that I have procrastinated so much over the years  in terms of my creativity. I guess because there is always this nagging  and irritating voice that constantly drips into my consciousness like a faulty tap, telling me  that I'm 'no good' and it is 'too late' to start writing my novel. I mean, I have undertaken gazillions of research and I have a basic outline of all of my characters - up to a point. However, something keeps on pulling me back into this murky abyss. I keep on telling myself that I have missed the boat and the tide of opportunity  has long gone, but this constant negative self speak  keeps me paralysed and then I just suddenly stop. Then my creativity dries up like a packet of  dessicated coconut. The words that I want to write disappear from the left side of my brain. I become STUCK once again. I become mute with uncertainty and deaf to the words I want to hear that gets my creative juices flowing. And therein is where the vicious cycle continues.

So, now, instead of labeling all of this my mid life crisis, I am going to start to embrace this as my mid life motivation. Aren't  words mighty powerful?

Now, off to scribe and create in my journal.

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